Doldrums

Man, there's nothing to audition for this week. Everyone has already checked out for the holiday weekend, and nothing will start again until September (hopefully in September things will start again? I don't really know.) So in the meantime, I watched a movie called Anvil: The Story of Anvil.

It's about a band that was on the cusp of stardom, and has kept pushing for it for twenty years. You see the sacrifices the band members made in pursuit of their dream in terms of income and time. Throughout the film, like a refrain, various friends and family and even the band members observe that the vast majority of artists are failures, commercially speaking. They never make a living in their chosen profession. They suffer countless indignities. Concert promoters don't pay them. Record companies ignore their submissions. People close to them ask them to reconsider their priorities, give up the dream and make a "real life." You see band members who quit and prospered in other endeavors. But still, there's something so compelling about these fifty-year-old men who cannot imagine doing anything other than pursuing their ultimate goal.

I totally cried, several times. Both because I sympathized with these guys, and maybe because I envied them. I'm not brave enough to work the truly dead-end job and dedicate myself wholly to the pursuit of acting. I value comfort too much. It hurts when people assume that the desperation job you took to pay rent represents the value of you, as if that were all there could be to the story: your socio-economic state IS you. There was some part of me wondering if the guys couldn't be just as happy playing weekend gigs, writing new music in their spare time, sort of making it a super-hobby.

But then I think of a phrase that's been running unbidden through my head the past few days. "You can't steal second with your foot on first." If you're going to pursue your dream, really pursue it in it's purest incarnation. If you want to make a living doing art, make your paychecks ride on your performance.

Anyway, I recommend the movie highly– it's charming and sad but hopeful at the same time. And, for me, at least, nicely inspiring.